I mostly assess children, but it is a common occurrence that as I talk through the key signs of ADHD, a parent will start to be aware of these symptoms within themselves.
ADHD is a high genetic condition, so if your child has ADHD, it is likely a parent will also have ADHD. Many women are starting to realise they have lived most of their lives with ADHD, which when unsupported can make life very difficult! For some people with effective strategies to cope with their ADHD, it is often not noticable until life gets extra-challenging. For women this often happens when they have children, work demands increase, or other times when life gets especially busy and chaotic. It is hard for the ADHD brain to keep up and cope in these challenging times. ADHD symptoms in women are often internalised and take a greater toll on a woman's mental health than it does in males. Many women with ADHD also experience anxiety, depression, and/or low self esteem.
What is ADHD?
To get a general overview of ADHD, check out my other blog post: https://www.michellerhyder.com/post/could-it-be-adhd
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What does ADHD look like in women
Most of the research on ADHD focuses on how it affects males. The experience in women can look different and this is perhaps why males are diagnosed three times more frequently than females, despite it affecting the genders in equal estimates. I have compiled a common list of ways ADHD symptoms can present in women below. Please note that this is not a "checklist" but a range of examples, so many women with ADHD may not experience each of these:
Making minor mistakes at work.
Going to the supermarket and forgetting the one thing you went there for.
Not reading instructions or mis-reading them.
Finding it hard to finish a task due to a short attention span.
Trying to multitask and do several things at once (but not succeeding).
Tuning out after a while during conversations or TV shows.
Having several hobbies started and never returning to them or being bored easily by hobbies.
Losing train of thought mid-sentence.
Daydreaming and not attending to others talking.
Forgetting conversations and things people have said to you.
Tasks being left incomplete, due to being distracted by another (unfinished) task or other distraction.
Forgetting what you are meant to be doing in the middle of a task.
Papers piled up, cluttered house, disorganised spaces.
Time blindness and difficulty completing tasks in a reasonable amount of time.
Procrastination and a tendency to leave things to the last minute or not complete things by a set deadline.
Missing events due to not recording them in a diary.
Avoiding boring tasks like housework, paying bills, Or Certain work tasks.
Labelled as lazy or incapable of doing certain tasks.
Losing keys, phone, purse, or other important daily items.
Putting things in a “safe space” and forgetting where that is when you need the item again.
Feeling overwhelmed by distractions like noises and busy environments.
Being very attentive to your surroundings – noticing everything at once, listening to multiple conversations at a time.
Being distracted by your own thoughts.
Finding tasks that require focus hard such as reading due to being too easily distracted by other things (including your own thoughts)
Forgetting key events.
Forgetting routine events like a weekly after school activity, every week.
Forgetting important dates like birthdays or anniversaries.
Forgetting to take medications.
Overdue bills due to forgetting due dates.
Biting fingernails, lips, or picking at skin.
Needing to use your hands and having an associated habit such as smoking, playing games on the phone, scrolling social media, or mindless eating.
Getting up from watching TV often or getting up often from work desk.
Feeling restless when not moving around much.
Being described as “loud” by others.
Body is constantly moving such as twitching legs, restless during sleep.
Having lots of energy and being very active in a typical day.
Staying up late due to not feeling tired until very late/early morning.
Internal agitation when not moving/constantly feeling like you should be doing something.
Being described as a “chatterbox”
Talking a lot during social interactions.
Finding it hard to stop talking about an interesting topic.
Finishing sentences of others.
Speaking before thinking.
Saying something impulsively that may hurt others.
Being uncomfortable if waiting in a line or in traffic.
Being described as impatient.
Preferring activities with immediate benefits.
Taking over a task if someone needs help.
Interrupts others without realising.
Masking
Masking is a term used to describe the coping strategies people develop to hide their symptoms of ADHD. Masking can have benefits and consequences for people with ADHD. For some, masking helps reduce the impact of ADHD symptoms and lets women function better in neurotypical settings. However, masking does not always come naturally and is often learnt (even if it is subconscious) which means it can be exhausting. Masking replaces external stress with internal stress, so on the outside a person with ADHD looks like they are coping fine, but internally they are highly stressed and overwhelmed. Masking can look like:
Being very careful with tasks, double or triple checking things, seeking reassurance from others that something is done “correct”.
Being a “perfectionist” to avoid mistakes.
Reduced engagement in hobbies due to frustration around frequency to cycle through hobbies or never feeling satisfied by past hobbies.
Having a range of memory strategies to help with remembering conversations, or tasks given verbally such as post-it notes, writing everything down in a diary, or getting someone to text you something they just told you.
Having very rigid organisation systems that MUST be used or everything goes to shit again.
Being very early to events out of fear of being late (after a lived experience of often being late).
Avoiding doing several things in one day as it feels impossible to achieve.
Using a diary consistently - “if it’s not in the diary, it doesn’t happen”.
Avoiding having people over due to the mess at home.
Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by the typical tasks associated with home or work life (compared to others).
Not following through with career aspirations due to difficulties in school – assuming you cannot attend TAFE or Uni.
Having very rigid set places for items to go to avoid being lost.
Having multiples of items in anticipation of things being lost.
Giving important items to others to take responsibility for.
Avoiding busy places like the shops at peak times.
Setting up quiet spaces at home – retreating to quiet spaces during noisy periods at home.
Having multiple systems for reminder such as alarms, calendars, or getting others to remind you.
Finding socially accepted excuses to get up when meant to be seated (e.g., getting up to get a drink when watching a movie).
Preferring jobs where you are not expected to sit for long periods of time.
Exercising very frequently and not feeling comfortable on days you don’t exercise.
Finding reasons to be moving often such as endlessly completing household tasks to avoid sedentary activities.
Not interacting with others often / avoiding social situations.
ADHD masking is a form of coping that seems more helpful in the moment but offers no assistance in addressing the real internal issues that require your true focus. It is possible for you to start experiencing life more fully by knowing how you cope, identifying when your behaviour gets out of control, and developing new coping mechanisms.
Living with ADHD does need to be so difficult. If you have identified with any of the content here, I highly recommend you have a chat to your GP and see if a referral to a psychiatrist is suitable. Finding out more about yourself, accessing appropriate treatment and support, and adjusting your environment can help you see that you are not a scatterbrain, lazy, or a failure of a person - you just might have an ADHD brain!